24th october 2007
Totally disapointed in some people...
she started her old habit.
Him trying to waste his life away...
The only one, he got caught...
Him just making me worried.
gosh....

anw.. i just realised i've hit 1 month.
haha. interesting...

25th october 2007
things went wrong.
I met my past.
I lied to the present.
things went wrong.
All i said and repeated was,
"just dont do anything to him...please..."
i was literally begging.
and it paid off.
tho i know i was protecting him more than my life.
but still. i cant afford to see it happening.

The time spent with him was the most memorable one i've ever had.
memories came flashing back.
We chose to only look on the good ol days.
and forget about the negative ones.
We exchanged songs....
We exchanged glances like we've never did before.
knowing that we were soo near and yet its soo far...
The fact that we have to face realilty was just to painful.
to be with someone whom u know u can be with but yet its just to risky?

we had a couple of drinks,
put reality aside and pretended nothing happened...
pretended the present didnt exist.
all we did most of the time was just looking at each other.
thoughts running thru each other's mind...
and we knew it...
we knew what it was about.
yet we kept it numb.

It was just wrong.
seriously it was,
im sorry i didnt expect that to happen.
im sorry.
Now im Filled with guilt.
Feel asleep in his arms...
Woke him up but he just refused to let go.
Hugged tight and tears just poured down...
accompanied by a forced smile on us.
we had the same reaction. surprisingly....

Smiles filled with lies.
Smiles filled with regrets.
Smiles filled with facades.
Smiles knowing that its impossible to turn back time.
Smiles knowing its over for us.

I have yet to make my decision.
I have yet to make my stand.
Now i understand what big bro is going thru.
now i understand what he meant by it was just to difficult.
Haiz. how now? how?
Can i just disappear?